You May Want to Read This If You Don’t Have Anything Better to Do

Lips Realistically Painted Like Eyeball

The other day I went without food.

How so?” you may ask. “Are your health problems to blame?”

Not quite. After several trips to clinics and multiple prickings of the arm, my doctor concluded that I am not in immediate peril. That is, in spite of my severe weight loss and the tiny, pea-sized lymph nodes in my neck, my blood tests are more or less normal, some low lymphocytes it is true and some other issues here and there, but not enough clinical evidence to suggest lymphoma or some other cancer and therefore no recommendation for a lumbar puncture or CT scanning at present, procedures which can have adverse effects and which can be carried out only when there is good evidence that something is wrong, especially since health insurance is paying for them. To conclude, if nothing out of the ordinary happens in the meantime, I am to return to the doctor early in the autumn for a “clinical reassessment”.

So why didn’t you eat yesterday?” you may insist. “You haven’t fasted for religious reasons, have you?”

Nope. I continue to feel a polite indifference toward all religions, though I must confess I have read some Buddhist books some months ago, and a bit of Tolstoy lately.

You: “Oh, so you’re having money problems, right? Poor writer boy!”

Don’t worry, I’m financially stable. Though of course, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t buy my book! –——————————————>

You, scratching your head: “I don’t get it. You’re not sick, you’re not fasting, and you’re not broke. Why haven’t you eaten yesterday? Been too busy writing?”

Me: Sorry, but it’s not that either.

You: “You’re being tricky. If you won’t tell me this instant I will stop reading this annoying post of yours.”

Me: “So you really, really want to know why I didn’t eat yesterday?”


Me: “Because…”

You: “Yes?”

Me: “Because…”

You: “Spit it out!”

Me: “Oh, have a little patience, will you?”

You: “No! Tell me now!”

Me: “Yesterday I have not eaten anything because…”

You: “This is your last chance. Tell me now or I am leaving-“

Me, in one breath: “Because yesterday morning, about the time when the darkness begins to fade, and in a most quiet and pleasant setting, I have been kissed by a girl!”

You are too amazed to speak.

Me: “So, in order that I may enjoy the lingering flavors associated with kissing, I have decided not to pollute my taste buds with the base flavors of food, and therefore I fasted all day long yesterday, I did!”

You: “Tell me about her, tell me everything!”

Me: “Not a word!”

You: “Oh please tell me, please tell me!”

Me: “I am exceedingly shy when it comes to such matters, and very private, too!”

You: “Please, oh, please!”

Me: “Kissing matters require utmost discretion.”

You: “asdbx3b82d23d23dh23h23d23dh!”

Me: “As you may imagine, the transition from doctors and clinics to kissing is quite agreeable and I am in a most pleasant condition. Anyhow, my tummy is starting to grumble and my hunger cannot be postponed. Goodbye for now!”


(This was written Thursday.)

19 thoughts on “You May Want to Read This If You Don’t Have Anything Better to Do

  1. I’m very pleased for you. However it might have been nice to explain circumstances maybe. From no mention of a woman to actually kissing one is a leap.You must have met her somewhere and known her for longer than the however many seconds the kiss took.
    This is of course purely as a matter of interest and nosiness has nothing to do with it at all.

  2. Somehow I get the feeling you are playing us, maybe it was not a girl human….? If it was, and I’m wrong, I’m happy for you, kissing is wonderful. I really loved kissing. And you are right, it does something with your system, you forget time, hunger….sleep….. 🙂 Hope you get to kiss her again soon.

  3. Ahh! That’s exciting. I think being kissed is a good enough reason for not eating, but do be sure to eat something soon!

  4. Hey, boy with a hat, a creative, well written post. I have plenty to do besides reading posts but your bait caught me and I couldn’t get off the hook. Had a pleasant landing.

  5. So quit obsessing and get on with writing (and eating). I convinced myself I had liver cancer once, especially after my doctor booked me in for a scan. I didn’t go and subsequently almost fasted myself to death. Eventually I went to a naturopath who told me what I had was severe abdominal muscle tension, gave me some herbal medicine to ingest and soon I was as right as rain. But now it seems you have discovered your own perfect cure. I wish you many more kisses and hope you have found your beloved. Thanks for the reassuring post. I was worried for you.

  6. This was so precious. As a girl in a long distance relationship dying to kiss her man, it was such a sweet thought. No matter what others say, keep it up. I love your work.

  7. That was funny, especially speaking for the reader also. Kinda felt like you were reading my mind. Well, I for one knows that a girl can make you lose your appetite in a positive way of course. I am interested in knowing how many meals this will cost you if you keep getting kissed!

  8. I’m new to this but if you could look at my stuff at that would be great. Love your work, very entertaining. Thank you in advance.

  9. Hahaha, refreshing read! 🙂 This was my favourite part:
    “I have decided not to pollute my taste buds with the base flavors of food, and therefore I fasted all day long yesterday, I did!”

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