In my last post I believe I promised some big medical revelations this week, or some clues that would help to unravel my mysterious medical condition. Well, after several visits to doctors, after some pricking of the hand, some heated conversations, and, of course, significant medical expenses, I can confidently declare that Voltaire was right when he had said that
“The art of medicine consists of amusing the patient while nature cures the disease.”
I have also learned a good lesson: don’t start a heated debate with an E.N.T. doctor BEFORE she examines you. Else, she may tug at your tongue during the examination, under the pretense of examining the tissue under it. In other words, I went to the E.N.T. pain-free, and left with a sore tongue which persists to this day.
“Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.”
― George Gordon Byron
Me, after handing her a stack of medical papers, blood tests, scans, etc.: “Massive weight loss, tiredness, and, more alarmingly, swollen lymph nodes in the neck, without any history of infection; after they appeared the weight loss began. I think I have lymphoma, or perhaps some other kind of cancer. Please let us do a biopsy or at least some scanning. I want to find out what’s the problem as soon as possible.”
She: “And how have you reached that conclusion? The Internet?”
Me: “In our day and age, patients are better informed than ever.”
She: “Screw the Internet! (she used slightly different words)”
Me: “I would like to assure you that first came the symptoms, and only after did I check the Internet… Not the other way around.”
She: “All these tests are months old. You have to redo them.”
She: “Blood tests first, then an ultrasound, then go to the hematologist, then back to me with the results and then we shall decide what to do next.”
Yesterday I got my blood results and there are two abnormalities: low lymphocytes and high ferritin levels. Also, my calcium levels are a bit high. All these can be signs of lymphoma.
“Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do ‘practice’?”
― George Carlin
More visits to the doctor next week. The boy’s medical mystery continues…