Woman, when you bathe you think you are alone,
But it is not so.
In a shadowy corner,
On a silky web,
A tiny spider gapes,
His eight eyes fixed with fascination
On your soapy nudity.
In the dead of night,
While you sleep,
The tiny spider visits me,
And I, bribing him with a dead fly,
Encourage him to report the wonders he has seen.
I know about your moles,
I know about your wrinkles,
I know that your breasts, though small,
Outround the orange,
And that your thighs
Could make a cannibal out of a fasting monk.
I also know that the dangerous line of your hip,
If shown to architects,
Would make them forsake their dull straight lines
And revise their sketches:
All new houses would be curvy.
And as to that on which you sit,
(I don’t like any of the words we use for it
One being crass, the others imprecise)
Compared to it, the pillow seems but rough.
I will not say more,
For you may take offence.
Please blame not me,
I only repeat what I have heard,
From that tiny spider which,
Even as we speak,
Dangles on his silky web,
Eight eyes he needs,
To see you well;
Such is your beauty.
© Painting copyright: Lee Price
Do you mind the little spider?
60 thoughts on “If You Bathe At Least Once A Week, You Must Read This”
Wonderfully beautiful ….your heart is true …
My heart is woeful… My beloved pot plant has withered. 😥
You must quickly sing to it!
What do you mean by that?
Because the beauty in which you told your story, this love affair with your bathing beauty, your plant is in woe of your affection not to it!
What if the spider were to dial 850-3943?
Hahahaha!! Touché my friend!!!!
I love this!!
I think something about it smells fishy, else you would not conceal your nose. ☺
Funny guy! I just changed that photo. I like this recent shot for a couple reasons. I just like the shot and as I get older I hide the face. At least until recently when my man told me again, how beautiful I was. I will probably change it again and then you can see that it is not so fishy.
I’d rather point the shower at the spider and watch it drown to death. ^_^
Mean girl. But what if he is on the ceiling? What then?
Lol, I’ll take the Wiper and kill it.
*Death-eater laugh* 😛
This is so amazing. Your appreciation for women as well as your eloquence while speaking so highly of us is beyond moving.
I think it is all because I am a bachelor.
I think there is truth to what you say…
This is lovely, and the photo works so well with it. 🙂
I blush. The photo is actually a painting, a most excellent one.
Oh wow, it is most excellent! 🙂
This is beautiful. It feels like a poem by Donne. So lyrical!
Alas, it does not rhyme!
This is so well-written, Vincent.
All the little things… Must say, that spider has a keen eye!
Now that I know he is watching me, I might as well strut my stuff. Haha!
Sent with love.
I haven’t seen you for so long! ☺ How have you been?
I’ve been busy. But its good to be back. 🙂 How are you?
Probably dying. I am quite sure I am terminally ill. It’s tragically true.
See, that’s the thing about ‘probably’ – You may, or you may not. I prefer the latter; All of us do.
And personally, I feel that dying is just a state of mind.
‘Probably’ not the kind of reaction you were expecting.
You’ll be alright, Vincent. Smile! 🙂
I really really love this! I read it so many times and now I am showing it to my husband because this was just so rich and wonderful and your writing is simply glorious!
Alas, I hope it won’t get me into trouble with your husband!
OMG! I am SO doing a spider check before bathing. Though, this is a love letter I’d adore receiving. Wait, just not from a neighbor I barely know. 🙂
If you mistreat the spider he may sneak into your slipper and bite your big toe!
Ugh! Now I have to check my slippers too? Guess I’ll have to leave the spider alone, a détente.
And look under the pillow too!
“You’re killing me” said the spider to the girl.
I prefer you in your Elizabethan style, it has more heart to it than this Donne;sque cleverness .
Alas, I do what I can…
It seems you are a voyeur in your own mind…..
I absolutely adore this post!
Those poor monks are always fasting. Do they crave Mars bars, too?
(I’m with the others. Your words astound — and make women blush!)
Are you well?
Unemployment issues aside.
Better since talking to you.
Such a beautiful and witty poem….you have a sensuous way with words 🙂 cc
Despite your eloquence, the spider remains creepy 😉
Aunt doesn’t mind minibeasts, I hope. 🙂
I love this!! 😀 now I have to be careful of spiders 🙂
You should. (Look in your red shoes.)
Reblogged this on Aberrant kid.
I’m only left in awe when I read your work.
Not forgetting to mention it was creepy. 😛
Reblogged this on akansha1104 and commented:
This is an incredible piece.
I’m so not taking bath again -_-
I’m sure this just creeped out so many people who dont like spiders haha. Good job!. I like the picture to go with it too
simply beautiful… you’ve created something magical out of something mundane and ordinary.