Things Not Said (Or the “You” Within You)


There are things we can’t talk about with others. Not even with our friends and family. We may try, but we can’t. What do we do about them?

Painful things. Or shameful things. Things that undermine our sense of self. That hurt our ego. That shake our confidence and our hope in a good future.

Things that happened to us. Or things that never happened to us but we wish we did. Or things that we fear will happen to us. Or things that we know will happen to us and we can’t avoid them. Embarrassing things. Unpleasant things.

Things deep inside us that sometimes rise to our throat, begin to form words. But they are heavy things, and they fall back down. Even when we try to let them out, we never get too far. Not far enough, at least.

It’s not just that talking about them is so hard. But we’re not sure they’d understand. And then the distance between them and us would feel even greater.

Your mother gave birth to you. But she may not understand. Your lover or spouse loves you. But he or she may not understand. Your child is a part of you, flesh of your flesh, but your child may not understand.

Things not said – things you only say to yourself over and over again, but not to anyone else. Things that can be poisonous or harmful, that damage you in insidious ways. That can even make you sick.

What do you do about these things? Will a psychologist really understand? Would talking to one be good for your mind? Maybe.

But can a human being really understand another human being? Can it feel the same way? Can there ever be more than a acceptance and, at times, sympathy?

But there is someone you can talk with about anything. Someone who always understands. Actually, “someone” doesn’t describe it. It’s not another human being. It’s “you”.

Because “you” is not really you. “You” is only one side of your being. It’s the part that understands, and that you understand. That relates to other people.

You can tell “you” anything. You go to “you” when you can’t go to anyone else. You tell “you” things not said.
“You” may dislike you, may criticize you, may make you do things, may even make thinking hard for you. But “you” always listens.

You don’t hide things not said from yourself. Even if they’re painful or frightening. You bring them to mind. You recognize them.

“You” won’t give you solutions. “You” is only like earth that soaks up the rain. It takes what you throw at it. It comforts just by being that — a fertile ground from which things can sprout. Sometimes weeds will sprout, sometimes grass. Sometimes flowers.

“You” can take the things nobody else can take. You can meet “you” in your mind, anytime you want. You can also meet “you” on paper, every time you write. “You” can listen, and “you” can read.

All those things not said, for which words and even gestures aren’t enough, you can bring them up when “you” is around. “You” will understand. “You” will make you feel better.

33 thoughts on “Things Not Said (Or the “You” Within You)

  1. It is funny because before you came to the “you” part of the post, I was thinking about wether or not I should mention in the comments that I had started talking to myself a while ago! I had a lot of those unsaid thoughts that made me absolutely miserable at times. I just couldn’t find someone to confide in, and I couldn’t keep it all in either… So I started talking to me. And recently, I even started talking aloud (when alone… of course) and it is surprising how good it feels to let the words out at last….. I recommend it! 🙂 xx Great post, Vincent, thank you!!

  2. You came alone, will leave alone, fight your demons alone, hear your thoughts alone, make assumptions alone. No one can save this ‘ YOU ‘ but you alone. No one to understand those unsaid things hidden within? Soliloquy would help. Talk to this you to find peace, answers and guidance. You are enough alone.Look deep inside and come alive.

    waiting for my invisible gift from YOU ..

  3. I understood acceptance must come from me first before any other human. The dreadful feelings i had just died down when i gave myself the task to listen to them” just me”
    Nice message

  4. And yet… there are times when you voice all of your concerns or deepest struggles to a friend or even a stranger and you realize they understand you even better than you could understand yourself. And they bring something of value because they can see things from an angle you can’t.

    Saddest part is most men are not willing to let out their feelings and share them with friends or family. For fear of judgment, of being misunderstood, or simply, out of habit. Needless to say, bottling up things can severely affect one’s health. Turning to that “you” only can become a very exhausting experience at a certain point.

  5. You’ve described beautifully what I’m witnessing as I care for my father, the next time we speak, I will suggest that he gently talk to or confide in “himself”, I hope this will bring him some relief!

  6. I talk to myself and a lot of times God. You can’t really tell people your business.

  7. Hi Vincent, love your photo and your notes. I agree that there are things that are better to keep quite about,in order not to harm anyone or thyself. Family or friends might not understand and judge.Silence is gold. Good idea to talk to oneself.. However I do not always give myself good advise😂but I am the only one to blame. Thank you for this blog. Have a great week.

  8. You’re a gifted writer!!! It’s like you’re taking words out of my heart and skillfully put them into tangible words. 😀

    If you have some free time, can you give my blog your opinion, I will be really glad. 🙂

  9. This is the story of my whole life…but I think it’s that way, in some sense, for everyone. This post depicts this wonderfully.

  10. “You” does listen, ponder,read and feel emotions but on a much deeper level.
    Even after knowing things so well it doesn’t flaunt any ego neither it holds any terms and conditions.
    Also it never gets exhausted of listening or of giving you a soulful company on your weaker days.

    Its like an old wise person who just love giving without expecting much for its own-self.
    Many don’t give that wise being that resides within us and with us a chance.

    I loved your blog; the posts are amazingly insightful. I am glad to have found your blog 🙂

  11. There are no truer words than the perfect eloquence I have just read here. However, Mr. Mars, I would humbly remark that at times the inner ‘you’ fails to suffice, at which point we must turn to those fellow imperfect humans beside us… Taking the chance that we may not be understood by them in return for the subtle shifting of weight from one’s shoulders that allows us to carry on one more day.
    Perhaps I say this only because I am a social person by nature, and cannot stand to be alone with ‘me’ for too long.
    Excellent post, my dear.

  12. this is when you know at the end of it all it is the ego. Because of the fear of judgement that we hold ourselves back. As soon as we start being honest and talk about our internal struggles you will see beutiful things happening. You will lose the weeds in shape of friends and your true friends will show up and the dramas and confusions of your life will go to negative (positive?)

  13. beautifully written. however I feel being an extrovert helps. since in certain cases it is seen that keeping thoughts to oneself leads to unpleasant conclusions. in case a person chooses to share, even if the soulmate does not completely understand it leads to discussion, there are inputs, talk, suggestions, more ideas, and more often than not a healthy situation. having said that I agree that sometimes its difficult to communicate simply because others would not grab the essence. it should however be an exception not a rule. again, so well written

  14. This article of yours took me somewhere for a while and now I m back and I have realized that I have a “me”inside me. Thanks for putting all this in words.

    I m also working on my blog. I m posting stuff on it. Would u mind taking a look at it and telling me how can I make it better?

  15. This is so well written…I completely understand that feeling of being alone among people, and having to seek solice within.

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