Relationships are like mushrooms really – some are tasty, other poisonous. There’s so much we cannot control about them. Emotions can be fickle, theirs, as well as ours, and the closer we become to someone, the more expectations there are.
But we can use our good sense, our reason even, to decide how much and how fast we invest our trust and emotions in others. Sometimes we choose who we love. At other times love chooses us. But to be helplessly in love with someone is not such a common occurrence, not even for the most romantic of us, especially not if we’ve been through heartbreak before.
People, are, just like us, consciously or unconsciously selfish, even when they have the best intentions. They can take what we offer them, and then, they can complain that it is not enough, and then they can move on. Sometimes it is not enough. At other times they only want much more than they can give back.
“If we live in too close proximity to a person, it is as if we kept touching a good etching with our bare fingers; one day we have poor, dirty paper in our hands and nothing more. A human being’s soul is likewise worn down by continual touching; at least it finally appears that way to us – we never see its original design and beauty again. One always loses by all-too-intimate association with women and friends; and sometimes one loses the pearl of his life in the process.” – Friedrich Nietzsche
But we can’t really keep our distance from everyone, can we? A philosophical kind of indifference towards relationships can trap us without our realizing into a shell of solitude from which we may not be able to break free. Ever. Or not often enough. Even us solitary people need other people in our lives, if not to live happily ever after with them, then at least to reaffirm the value of our solitude and learn to cherish it anew.
We should not deny ourselves dreams of love. We should not let our pride or fears get in the way. But we must not rush things. Some people are more stable than others, and also more kind. And those are the people who can take our love and grow something beautiful out of it, for them, as well as for us.
And where are these people?
Probably not on dating sites, but certainly out there in the world. We will bump into them one day, or they into us. There’s so many of us in this world that we really cannot help it. Meanwhile, let’s work on improving ourselves. Let’s prepare for them the best version of ourselves we can be. If we do this, things will work out better next time, and the babies will be bright and happy, too.
Let me ask you now, have you found your better half or are you still searching?
boy with a hat 
I have found mine, and surprisingly enough it did happen on a dating site! We’ve been together over for years and married two yesterday. It really can happen,though I never thought it would.
That’s really awesome! I’m happy for you, and it gives hope to people who do choose online dating. There’s amazing people everywhere and some of them would use dating apps. It makes sense, really. 🙂
Personally, I think the ratio of decent guys online can’t be much different than in real life. We tend to think of them as unicorns, but they really do exist. 🙂
That’s a very good point!
Good for you, Ashley! I’m by no means against dating sites – actually they probably work else they wouldn’t be around. But what scares me about them is that they may decide the best thing in my case is to send me on a blind date with my own self… That would be so awkward! Not to mention that most women would probably tick the “must have college degree” box, thus filtering me out.
Lol! That sounds like it should be an SNL skit! And I don’t know about the college degree thing. My husband doesn’t have one, but it doesn’t bother me. Surely there are more important indicators of a good partner! 🙂
Glad to hear that! Anyway, I like to think I have a decent blog and that it compensates, to some extent at least.
I’m sure it does!
Yea, but what if you prioritise something else before such relationships.
No what good is drama and another heartbreak anyway…
Thanks for the post though, really needed to read something like this.
Nice post! I agree with your thoughts.
This is all very true. I needed this today.
You’re right, these people are “Probably not on dating sites, but certainly out there in the world.” I’ve been debating getting rid of a dating app for that reason. I want to meet someone organically – it’s the healthiest way. As long as we don’t isolate ourselves and be involved in something that we enjoy, we’ll meet someone eventually – and it might simply be a good friend that we need rather than a lover.
If I were you, Sara, I’d uninstall that dating app and concentrate my efforts on WordPress… Many interesting people around here. 🙂
Haha you know, that’s honestly the best dating advice I’ve ever gotten.! 🙂 Good point, Vincent.
I found myself feeling a little apprehensive after reading the engraving quote. I think I have found my ‘better half’, well I must have done because I married him. But I have so many insecurity issues that I think that the next pretty lady that walks by will whisk him away from me because perhaps I am not intelligent enough, or interesting enough, or even pretty enough. So the idea that ‘all that will be left is a poor dirty paper’ is very frightening. At the same time, I feel as though I am constantly learning new things and exploring new ideas and seeing my husband in many different lights, that it can’t just crumble to dust. But then again, realistically, who knows?
Have you found your other half or are you still searching, Vincent?
I think that insecurities in a woman can be quite alluring, and in a way, they may actually help you keep him, Lenora.
As for me, I have found her, but only for a little while, as in a dream, but then she flutter by, and now I want to find her again, but under a different form. 🙂
I sure do hope so 🙂 They say men like confidence in a woman, don’t they. I hope this form is better than the last, for you!
I gave up dating sites a while ago. I figure that if I do the things I love, I’ll meet someone who has similar interests, or at least will give anything a go. But I remember the person I fell hardest for, I had very little in common with. Hence the ‘give-it-a-go’ attitude. I think opposites attract, differences can grow into shared similarities over time.
I’ve met my better half, but he doesn’t know it yet. I’m still young, but I know that I needn’t search any further for the greatest love I’m ever going to endure in this lifetime. Although, he does know about my feelings he doesn’t mirror them. Which leads me to a question; Should I Give Up? Or Keep Going?
I think sometimes the best decision is not to make a decision but just try to live an agreeable life and see how it all goes. 🙂
That’s actually really good advice, I will definitely take that on board 🙂 At the moment, I’m becoming quite content. With my life, and just ‘me’ in general… It’s quite a good feeling.
Oh I rather like your blog. There’s something very direct and calming about your prose. Like being in a clean, sunlit room, up high, with white walls and carefully chosen furnishings where one can relax and listen to their friend as he offers insights into the human and creative condition. Very nice.
I googled “urge to write” and landed here.
I also rather liked the comment above about finding a partner organically. I just am in love with that phrasing, of selecting a person the way I vaguely recall once plucking a peach from a tree in adolescence.
I’m a bit jaded now at the grand age of 34. Organic or sprayed, practicalities distract from the nuances of flavour even if initially the taste was heightened by awakening disused taste buds.
We think too much. The love of my life is a tradesman. It is not sustainable but I couldn’t bear someone like me, head in the clouds with first world fears.
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