Love is an intoxicating disease that originates in the heart and quickly spreads through the rest of the body. When one is ‘in love’, one wants nothing more than to behold the person one is in love with, preferably naked.
Symptoms
Common love symptoms noticeable in men and women of all ages, races, cultures, and religions:
- heartache
- restless apathy
- sweaty itchy skin
- chilly fever, feverish shudders
- parched throat, swimming eyes
- melancholy thoughts, constant woeful sighs
- dizziness, giddiness, and lightness in the head
- unsteady gait, comparable to walking on the moon
- nagging pain, as if one has a pebble in one’s shoe
- queasy lower body sensation best described as riotous butterflies doing mischief in one’s stomach
- vivid romantic and possibly indecent thoughts involving a person of the opposite sex, sometimes even if that person is married
Note: The eating of chocolate and the drinking of red wine is known to aggravate the love symptoms. By contrast, the reading of philosophy almost always provides relief.
Observations
- Love is a recurring disease. The more one loves, the more one wants to love. Each new love broadens the horizons of love, magnifies each love sensation, adds to the love experience.
- Although the love disease exists in the body of the sufferer, being thus unseeable, one is apt to give love a physical form, to deceive oneself more sweetly. (For the one writing this report, love assumes the guise of a pretty woman in a fancy hat.)
- Love at first sight is tempestuous. Its cause is not Cupid’s mischievous arrows, as myth has it, but rather a short skirt or a plunging neckline.
- Heartbrake is the consequence of unrequited love. Unrequited love is the result of a defect in the eye of the person being wooed. If the eye is fine, the defect lies with the wooed person’s character: women spurn men out of caprice; men spurn women out of cowardice.
- Heartbrake symptoms vary from person to person. One can compare being heartbroken with ‘feeling like an empty glass full of nothing’ or in more curious cases, with ‘feeling like an evil poppy’.
Curing the itch
One suffering from itchy love should rub one’s body against the body of the desired lover to stop the itch.
If that is not possible, one can also try to rub one’s body against the body of some other person of the opposite sex, who merely acts as a substitute for the desired lover, but the cure will be only temporary, and the itch will likely reappear more intense than before.
The only effective cure for love is found in bed.
Conclusion
Although love’s symptoms are maddening, one must admit that love torments are sweet torments, and love pain is sweetpain, a pain preferable to all other pains. Love is a glorious disease. Suffer well!
boy with a hat 
Love what a pain…
very, very nice piece!
I think I’ll go to Massage Envy and settle for some “like” at the moment .
Regards, Randy
Cheers Randy!
So wonderful. I must share with all my girlfriends!
Yay!
My favorite part is “Curing the itch”. I though rubbing only intensifies itchiness…!
It depends on the person. 😉
Fantastic. And well-timed, I needed to read something like this and have a chuckle.
Let not your love woes burden you Irish poetess. Make proper verses out of them!
PS: There’s some green in your new picture, which confirms my suspicion that everything important in Ireland is green.
🙂
Perhaps I’m feeling less romantic than others…
‘Love at first sight is tempestuous. Its cause is not Cupid’s mischievous arrows, as myth has it, but rather a short skirt or a plunging neckline.’ …is confused with ‘Lust,’ though I will admit, love is often angry; or, loving someone makes you angry.
Separating lust from love requires a lengthy and troublesome alchemical process, and the result does not prove satisfactory.
Am I the only person who thinks that love is more than just chemicals? I fell in love with my husband while in a different state, having never met in person. I hope that everyone on Earth can experience true love in their life.
If I were to write about love today, I would write something completely different. It all depends on the mood. You can interpret love in a thousand ways, here is just one interpretation, a practical one.
As to true love… true is a slippery adjective. 🙂
I love the line, “women spurn men out of caprice; men spurn women out of cowardice.”
It might even be true. 😉
Well done, VM. You have mixed romanticism with plain old horniness and made it sound almost scientific.
Haha! I’m not sure my view on love is that horny, but the horny words and the horny verbs sound good, so I had to write them.
I am utterly incomparably obsessively obsessed with every single letter you choose to group together to create verbs, phrases and your awkward perfect sentences. frankly put…you’re blazingly brilliant.
To avoid eye damage caused by my brilliance please lower your hat over the eyes, or wear sunglasses while reading this blog.
Your comment made my day!
i’m so excited for my gift 🙂
Already dispatched. Its use might prove inconvenient though.
Sweet !! 😉
Bittersweet! 🙂
I know this comment has nothing to do with this exact post, but I don’t know where else to say it. I liked the other version of your blog more. It was more clean. Which, however, doesn’t change the value of your writings.
To tell you the truth, I liked the other one more too. It was simpler and better looking. But it also had many limitations. 😦
I will see whether I can find something in between the two, or maybe play with the design of this one a bit.
To tell you the truth more truly, your comment utterly distresses me.
Tell me what you do not like and I will move the mountains to fix it.
Is it better now with the white background?
You have an eye for pretty things, and if you blink while looking at my blog… I will not sleep well at night.
Save me Julita!
It’s hard to say what exactly is wrong with it. It seems cluttered. Less readable, less clear.
I don’t like it more with the white background though.
Your first design was just highly aesthetic, one of a kind, and this one is not… It seems I saw this kind of blog a thousand times before.
I don’t know if I can tell you anything more but I’ll try to figure out what could be done with it.
I will think of what you said and consider changing it back tomorrow. But as I’ve said, the first one, though good-looking, had some limitations.
Try these themes: reddle, wu wei, vintage camera, bold life, chunk, oulipo.
p.s: Love the new layout! It suits you. 🙂 Enjoyed the post. love is a game that you forget you’re playing until either you win or lose.
What you say about love is too true.
Hmm, certain hat-wearing ladies seem to prefer the old theme. Do you like this one more than the other?
I like it. but I did enjoy your simplistic past them too. 🙂
And now I am in love with your blog…….