As you read this, somewhat puzzled by the title, you must be wondering no doubt what this is all about, whether it is worth reading, whether you can get anything out of it in return for your time and attention, some tips on doing something or other, or perhaps a laugh, or at least a good quote or two, or peradventure you expect a personal revelation with which you can resonate, how I had done at one time or other something out of the ordinary or something very foolish, or how this or that tragedy had befallen me, or maybe you’re not into that and would prefer this to be some kind of social commentary, or a political piece, or some kind of spiritual musing, or maybe you have come here to read about writing, about that gloriously inglorious craft, or about books, or about something else, but let me ask you this – and let me tell you that if you are still here I really appreciate your kind attention – must this that you are reading now really be about something to keep you reading?
This isn’t about how the force of curiosity can compel us to read almost anything on any topic just to find out the whys and the hows and the whens. No, this isn’t about human curiosity. This is about nothing. Yes, about nothing. I don’t mean the word “nothing”, that vague word, that frequent word we use every day for a variety of purposes, nor the “nothing” that lovers sometimes say to each other as in Q: “What’s wrong?” R: “Nothing”, when in fact they mean quite the opposite, that something is wrong, nor the nothing one finds in a box, can, or jar once its contents have been used up or removed. I don’t even mean the “nothing” in “nothing in particular”. When I say this is about nothing I mean no linguistic subject, no social subject, not even a philosophical subject, no subject at all.
I can imagine you scratching your head now and wondering “What is he saying? Why is he wasting my time and my attention and causing me an eyestrain just to tell me nothing about nothing?” and then vowing to read a few words more and then if there isn’t a kind of revelation or a flash of insight that will make you feel as if the clouds have parted and a beam of divine light has broken through the roof of your house (or entered through the window or the chimney) and drenched you in ecstatic light, you will stop reading this meaningless piece of writing.
If such are your thoughts, I have this to say to you: nothing. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Because this is about nothing. Great writers have written about great subjects: love, death, freedom, war, self-development, mystery, history, science and you have read them, but now, straying reader, you have ventured far on your own and come upon a post about nothing. Can you feel the nothing enveloping you? And with it, disappointment rising in you? Or perhaps a sense of wasted time? Or is it anger or frustration that your curiosity has led you here, deep into nothing?
Do not be alarmed. Nothing is important, because nothing is nothing. If this that you have read until now wasn’t about nothing, tell me, would you now feel the urge to leave this page and go in search of… something? Nothing and its implications perhaps make you uneasy. After all, don’t we always search for the opposite of nothing? For that precious something, whatever form it takes? But don’t we need nothing, at least from time to time, to understand and appreciate all those antonyms of nothing?
Alas, can it be? Oh, no! I have tried to trick you, dear reader, but methinks I have become the victim of my own trap! Because… isn’t talking about nothing something in itself?
Nothing left for me to say then other than…
Congratulations, dear reader, you have just read a post about nothing!
I bet you’ve never done that before.
How do you feel now, after reading what you have just read? Whisper it or shout it or cry it out loud in the comments. Scold me for wasting your time, demolish what I have said with your logic, or say it was not all in vain, but please oh please, dear reader, do not sulk away in silence…
44 thoughts on “You’ve Never Read Anything Like This Before”
Thanks for nothing! 😉
It left me entertained, I like reading strange posts.
Glad to hear that, Eric.
Although I still read all your posts, I rarely comment on your blog since your quip about preferring feedback from the fairer sex as opposed to bearded, bespectacled gentlemen. But all your posts are well-worth reading, whether about something, or nothing, or poetry that you claim is not quite poetry. I’ve even come to believe your story about who you are, although I still find it unbelievable. That is to say I believe it, I just can’t believe it. Also, I still haven’t seen that invisible gift come my way.
I remember that quip of mine, and let me tell you that if it were not for bearded, bespectacled gentlemen this world of ours would be the worse for it. Sometimes I too wonder whether I am true, probably because I have become a little trapped in my dream. Surprising as it sounds, it is all true, the good and the bad. Do speak your mind when you want to, Walt, whether your beard is fresh or old, gray or white, exceedingly long or moderately trimmed. 🙂
I’m still waiting for that invisible gift…
Close your eyes Susie, breathe in, breathe out, and you will feel a soft feeling of ease you can indulge in at your leisure… This is not the actual invisible gift, but a bonus gift. Is not the waiting the best part sometimes?
Ha! It was…
I’ve got nothing to say. But that’s saying something, because being speechless can come across as a compliment. And that is exactly what I want it to seem like.
Words are the source of misunderstanding, Frederick. Cheers to your wilful silence!
Wow! Parachuted into “Waiting For Godot”.
I am not sure what that is, Rosie. A book perchance?
I enjoyed it!
Your smile shows it. 🙂
I thoroughly enjoyed this post about nothing because your writing is quite something! It’s so captivating and your words are like surprises around corners. Also I have written things about nothing and therefore this post provided me with a personal revelation which I could relate to. My goodness, what a lot to come out of nothing 🙂
So happy to hear that, Lenora. Do you think that writing about nothing has something to do with your status of tragedy about to happen? 🙂
I’ve never thought of that before. You might have an insightful point there…
I feel that when one is intending to write about nothing, it is inevitable that they should indeed write about something, for what else are words for but to describe somethings, though in writing about nothing one must focus on each something only a tiny bit, so that they do not add up to a whole anything.
A very thought-provoking post. Thank you.
I like your thoughts on the matter. Have you ever tried to photograph nothing?
Hmm, I don’t think I have, but I imagine a similar principle would apply. Perhaps it is not just a property of words after all…
The first paragraph, or should I say, sentence, was too long for me so I kinda stopped there loljk i still finished it!! 👌🏻👌🏻
Deliberately long, I should add. Henry James himself would envy me. I can only hope you got stuck somewhere in the middle of the post, too. 🙂
well the post about nothing kept me on this page for a decent amount of time as i read it and followed up with a comment, i cant say this was nothing.
Cheers to nothing, then. What about insurance? Can we insure nothing? What would we get in return for our premium, and with what would we pay it?
there is only one way to find out, lets insure nothing
Nothing can’t keep me away from your post–even nothing. I mean nothing.
I tip my hat to you.
Maybe nothing is something trying to tell us what it is, and we are all to daft to realize it.
I used to watch a show about nothing and it was really popular 😉
My dear boy,
Nothing really caught my attention –
as there was really nothing to read.
But I remembered that sometimes nothing is better than something.
Although this was, I admit, much ado about nothing.
So, now, here are my sweet nothings, and my adieu.
Your adieu until the next post, I dare hope…
enjoyed reading your post and i have NOTHING to say 😉
Nothing…… sometimes this nothings brings lots of things out of it. When i do nothing outside(outerworld),i work on manythings inside(innerworld). This nothing,always,for sure lead us to something very important.
जब हम कुछ नहीं कर रहे होते होते हैं इस बाहरी दुनिया में उस समय भी अपने अंतर्मन की दुनिया में बहुत कुछ कर रहे होते हैं और जो ऐसा नही कर पाता वो पूर्णतया निष्क्रिय है।
Hello. I am Aditya. I really liked your way of writing. I mean you literally made me read “nothing” but it’s quite not nothing. Actually, it’s about art of persuading reader to read. I like it.
I am fond of writing (well actually I am a coder). I really really need opinion from people like you. I started writing. This is my first post – > https://rssah.wordpress.com/2015/10/19/malevolence/
Corrections in it are very much appreciated 😉
Hello Adi! Thanks for stopping by. I’d really want to help, but I barely have enough time to eat, let alone correct blog posts. I will check your blog when I have the time, but I am afraid I may not be able to correct anything. Besides, my own grammar needs correction from time to time!
Thank you for your reply. It’s totally fine. I’d really be grateful if you just give your opinion about that post so I could get real world sense of writing and that’d be helpful in my future blog posts. Have a great day…
Mm yes.. Spotted some more the other day.
Is that so? Alas, where?!
Really we don’t even realize,how quickly we r becoming slave to these technology around us…from waking up to falling in sleep. We put one on desk and take other…..For me I must say itl’d be ‘HE’, of whom,i m a slave too. But I spend my time with family and friends too,because they are much more important than this.
You are right! 🙂
Actually, I was very amused through it.
What you write, how you write it and who you are Vincent, could never be nothing.
I want to say something, but…no, never mind. I will stick to saying nothing. Nothing.