If you have 7 or more of the following peculiar symptoms, you have contracted the sweetest disease in the history of humanity…
- Your heart drums when you think of her.
- You suffer from restless apathy, chilly sweats, and itchy skin.
- Your best clothes have suddenly become unfit for you – they are either too large or too small.
- You feel you have a pebble in your shoe when you walk alone on the street, and yet when you take off your shoe and look into it, you find nothing.
- You eat more chocolate than usual, but otherwise you fast.
- Your heart skips a beat when you see on the street another woman dressed like her.
- You feel that each new woman you see seems faded compared to her, and that the more women you see, the lovelier her remembrance becomes.
- You want to buy her a teddy bear or a puppy and give it to her with a love note but you don’t dare do it because you fear she will think it silly.
- You hope that her shoelace will untie itself when you are near, so you can kneel at her feet and tie the troublesome shoelace for her.
- You pray, when you turn a street corner, that you will meet her (and if that happens you will pretend it was all a curious coincidence, when in truth you’ve spent the last two hours wandering through her neighbourhood hoping you would bump into her).
- Your double bed has become way too big for you.
- You often hug your pillow and kiss it imagining it is her.
- You no longer do shameful things to yourself in a shadowy bathroom since you’ve fallen in love with her, because the thought of her is enough to fill you with contentment, and make any other stimulation unnecessary…
All is well, all is well…