How I Stopped Watching Porn

Sleeping Woman

I fell in love with a pornstar.

It was puppy web love. It happened about two years ago, while I was browsing the Internet. I stumbled upon the tiny portrait of a gorgeous girl.

She had inky hair, sweet blue eyes, and a look on her face that said ‘I was made to break your heart.’ She looked at me and smiled. I blushed.

The portrait in question. As I later discovered, the rest of it is quite disturbing…

‘Who is she?’ I wondered. A singer-songwriter? An actress?

The portrait was titled ‘gwen-cohf’. I reasoned that her name was Gwen. Wondering what cohf meant, I did a Google search, and ended up on a porn website. Cohf stood for c… on her face.

I did some more ‘research’ and saw a video that indisposed me. A bunch of guys, of all sizes, shapes, and races, had their way with my Gwen.

I almost wept.

I had seen porn before. As much as the average single 18-year-old with Internet access, I suppose. I’ve never paid for it. I’ve never bought a porn magazine.

Yes, I did make love with myself from time to time, usually thinking of the girl I then had a crush on, but no, nobody ever caught me, though mom with her total disregard for privacy, did come close twice or thrice to discovering why my showers lasted so long…

So why did I feel like weeping?

It was because, in a way, this time I knew the girl. I met her outside of her ‘workplace’, in a non-pornographic context. I had never met before any pornstar in any other place that in her films. All the women I saw in those films had to me no history, no personality, no depth. Everything was reduced to their skin, and the color of their hair.

Soon after this incident I stopped watching porn. Not because I got a girlfriend, but because I just couldn’t get myself to watch it anymore. It was like eating bad food.

It was not the dirtiness that bothered me – the things I imagine doing to the girls or women I fancy are exceedingly nasty – but the ridiculous high heels, the flashy clothing, the dumb settings, the fake moans, the pretense of blissful ecstasy,  the final scene…

The porn-free hatted boy…

I have not watched porn for more than 2 years. I spend 98% of my time indoors, mostly in my room, where I have a computer with 24/7 Internet access, so it’s a feat I’m proud of. I boast with it every time I have the chance.

I use my imagination instead. Or sometimes find subtle love scenes in books. (I’m not into erotica though.) But most of the time I just write about what I want to do to the girl or women I’m in love with. The writing is personal and it tickles me in more places than porn films ever did.

I think sex is dirty in a bad way when it’s impersonal, when one of those having it does it for money, like in porn videos. But when it’s between lovers it doesn’t matter how dirty it gets. The romantic intimacy sweetens everything.

As Oliver Colors puts it,

‘I don’t love her because I want to do dirty things to her, but I want to do dirty things to her because I love her.’

Do you watch porn? Come now, be honest. You too, hatted ladies…

 

 

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70 thoughts on “How I Stopped Watching Porn

  1. you want her for she intrigues you and bring out a feel, that no woman could do or did till now..let us come to porn. The reason it is hushed is, it gets you stark open and anyone with you dwells on similar idea..did I watch ..yes..did I like..I will not say no..it was like a movie scene only the action was limited;)

      1. Hey Vin,
        I just wanted to know how old you are and i want to know if my boredom is the reason for my porn watching. I have been watching porn ever since I entered high school. I did not socialize much nor did i hang out with anyone on the weekends. I spend time watching porn on the weekends because that’s the only time I get to have leisure. Since nobody invites me out, I remain secluded in my own zone. Plus when i’m in bed, i think about the boy that i love to be with and then later i just want to masturbate and watch porn. what can i do to stop this? i’m almost an adult now.

      1. From an inside perspective, it is altogether bad. It sounds like you came to grips with the fact that these are people, not objects. Congratulations on being able to value human life, more than fantasies.

          1. Dude, I had her number, 13 YEARS AGO! In the time when mobile phones were the size of a brick, I have switched sim-cards so much since then… that number is loooong lost.

            Oh, and I just remembered her name was Stephanie, haha, my bad. Gwen was the name of her sister.

  2. I used to be friends with the lead singer of this punk band. One day he was viewing web porn and he just broke down and started crying because he was so disgusted that such beautiful girls were being so humiliated because men would look at it. It was really powerful to see him so impressed. He also never looked at that crap again. Reality is far better.

    1. I too felt like that… I mean from what I remember, some girls were just gorgeous, better looking than Hollywood actresses.

      And I don’t even think they even earn much from it. A few hundred dollars maybe?

      I think it’s the attention that keeps them doing it… And some strange kind of bliss that they get from their total submissiveness.

      1. Unfortunately I have family in the business, it is highly about money and drugs. They get paid pretty well, but don’t typically have an education for managing money. Their agents/producers are often their pushers. They also supply pills that reduce pain. While high the girls often agree to humiliating acts setting a precedent for more abuse in their futures. It is really a disgusting, dehumanizing business, it is hard for girls to get out of it after being taught that their submissiveness is their only marketable skill.

  3. I haven’t watched porn in decades, with one brief exception. We ordered a modern porn film while spending a night in a hotel. None of the actors had any body hair. It looked like two children going at it. I have no desire to see any more, but then again I am over 50. (It really hurts to say that.)

  4. It’s just different kinds of sex, the sweet and the nasty one. I don’t like comparing them since they are so different, but they are both nice! The problem with porn is however that it’s too long, almost always, even if the girls seem up to it in the beginning. Any girl or actress get’s bored and tired after more than 10 min (not checked!) super-intence banging, turning, bouncing, screaming, blowing and so on and so on and so on… Maybe I’m just lazy though!

  5. Porn is an interesting subject and I could have such an unhealthy discussion about it with you so long that you would either starve to death or get bored long before I even scratch the surface. It’s interesting because there are so many angles, and it one of those rare subjects in which I am both indifferent and passionate in, for and against, disgusted and yet not repulsed.

    I guess, what I’m trying to say, you have your reasons, and I have mine.

    Great post, always love to read your stuff.

    1. I don’t think porn is all that bad.

      I mean it’s better for teenage boys to watch porn and then go to the bathroom and do there something peculiar to men that brings them relief, rather harass girls at school with dirty jokes and other antics…

  6. Ah, porn. Yes, I’ve watched. Have I enjoed it?Eh. It’s like a movie a friend dragged you to and you pay attention only to the interesting bits.

    My husband used to and still occasionally does shoot erotica. Some of the models have immense amounts of self respect and some don’t. I don’t see the sadness in it.We all sacrifice things to make money. Albeit your body, skill set, mind, or whatever

    What’s sad is that is sets young men up for unrealistic expectations of what a real woman’s body looks like, and it gives women unrealistic goals.

    My opinion anyway

  7. You actually made very true points here.

    Answering your question, I don’t watch porn. But to say anything more, I shall admit, my point of view is based not only on beliefs but also on seeing a porn once.

    There is one thing about porn that just makes it a total turn off instead a turn on… that I watch two strangers (not only to me but also to themselves) fuck (sorry for such word, but I feel it’s the best way to name what’s really happening; plus it’s already past 10 p.m. 😉 ). Now, I believe to some watching others is exciting, to me it’s just intimidating. Porn rapes the sweetness of my imagination and sexual life itself. Yes, I think those are good words to describe it.

    And here we come (not in the sexual way this time) to the point you made – whatever you do in your bedroom with your chosen, is always pure and beautiful. Cause it’s correlated with life itself. The realest life, the realest feelings. It’s connected with giving and taking a bit of soul and opening yourself in a way that creates a life time secret. The goal is not only to come. The goal is to feel. In many ways.

    I also think that creating your sexual fantasies on the basis of porn could be very misleading. It also shouldn’t be a way of learning sexual behavior, which is very individual and depends always on the interaction of two people, not just on the imaginations and desires of one person. So I guess porn is a free choice for people who are mature enough to not take it personally.

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  9. Darling Vincent! I’m so sad it took me so long to get to read this! You are very refreshingly honest, and I salute you for this post. Touching, really… Do I watch porn? No. Boring and demeaning. But I can tell you I have encountered some incredible things since I began blogging…. and all I can say is, the mind is much more powerful if one will let it free… 😉

  10. Yeah, seen porn like more than 20 times, enjoyed it (back in my puberty. LOL) ..it just gives you thoughts about sex and what really happened when it happened. And as you keep on watching it, it’s just very predictable and somehow doesn’t make any sense at all! Until you learn to disgust the people doing it, the scene and yourself. haha.

    1. it never gave me thoughts of sex. It only increased my desire for this one guy that I wanted to start a relationship with. I never got to ask him out though. I did, however, give him hints that i was hitting on him. I know I should be grossed out by this, but I’m not.

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    1. what if i’m watching gay porn instead and i’m a guy? I feel like i should stop now but i don’t see why i should. I see how others in the porn industry are doing so well. what i don’t really get is how do they keep their bodies so moisturized and their health so well even after been in movies with so many people

  12. Today, because of ur new point of view, I will quit porn here and now, it is ugly and I hat it even though I love it. Never. Never again. Never will I masturbate and fall victim to this again. Never.

  13. the porn is not just like other things you can give up later it is wrong
    when you become addictable with it your sexual feeling to fuck women will be less and it can cause less pleasure in your future

  14. it is same as my story ,
    i m feeling very guilty of watching porn ,you know i m weeping sorry, sorry, sorry to all .
    help me….
    respectable….

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